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Veet for Men
Bill Hicks said, "marketing people: kill yourselves" and mostly, he was spot on. He is, after all, a saint.
It's summer bike season and I like to do the old pins, but being a bloke, I make a right hash of it and leave gore and stubbly missed bits everywhere. So this summer I thought I'd give Veet a try.
"There's one for men," says the nice lady in the pharmacy. And so there is: in masculine blue-and-silver packaging full of words like "performance" and "ultimate" - not quite "Xtreme" but it'll be there in the next marketing iteration, just the way that razors sprout an extra blade every eighteen months in a testosterone parody of Moore's Law. And lo, the Veet For Men marketing people changed the fragrance to something a little more like Glacier Blue or Steel Testicle instead of Limeflower and Papaya, and you've got a product for real men who want to be really metrosexual and murderously slipperysmooth.
And no, you mustn't use it on your sack and crack: it explicitly says so. So there.
Ah, but is it any good? As good as a fresh razor (just like Veet for Women, or Veet for Dwarfs), really, except for two things: no blood on the carpet, and it reaches where you don't.
Which makes it perfect for that gorilla back. Happy am I. And hydrodynamic. Because (being a Man) this is obviously about performance and massageability and road rash and wetsuit transitions and technical, athletic stuff like that, and not because I feel like an atavistic troll when my motion in the pool ripples the kelp-like fronds of my simian dorsal pelt.
Or maybe I'm just trying not to scare away the tri totty...
It's summer bike season and I like to do the old pins, but being a bloke, I make a right hash of it and leave gore and stubbly missed bits everywhere. So this summer I thought I'd give Veet a try.
"There's one for men," says the nice lady in the pharmacy. And so there is: in masculine blue-and-silver packaging full of words like "performance" and "ultimate" - not quite "Xtreme" but it'll be there in the next marketing iteration, just the way that razors sprout an extra blade every eighteen months in a testosterone parody of Moore's Law. And lo, the Veet For Men marketing people changed the fragrance to something a little more like Glacier Blue or Steel Testicle instead of Limeflower and Papaya, and you've got a product for real men who want to be really metrosexual and murderously slipperysmooth.
And no, you mustn't use it on your sack and crack: it explicitly says so. So there.
Ah, but is it any good? As good as a fresh razor (just like Veet for Women, or Veet for Dwarfs), really, except for two things: no blood on the carpet, and it reaches where you don't.
Which makes it perfect for that gorilla back. Happy am I. And hydrodynamic. Because (being a Man) this is obviously about performance and massageability and road rash and wetsuit transitions and technical, athletic stuff like that, and not because I feel like an atavistic troll when my motion in the pool ripples the kelp-like fronds of my simian dorsal pelt.
Or maybe I'm just trying not to scare away the tri totty...
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