Veet for Men

[andygates]

Bill Hicks said, "marketing people: kill yourselves" and mostly, he was spot on. He is, after all, a saint.

It's summer bike season and I like to do the old pins, but being a bloke, I make a right hash of it and leave gore and stubbly missed bits everywhere. So this summer I thought I'd give Veet a try.

"There's one for men," says the nice lady in the pharmacy. And so there is: in masculine blue-and-silver packaging full of words like "performance" and "ultimate" - not quite "Xtreme" but it'll be there in the next marketing iteration, just the way that razors sprout an extra blade every eighteen months in a testosterone parody of Moore's Law. And lo, the Veet For Men marketing people changed the fragrance to something a little more like Glacier Blue or Steel Testicle instead of Limeflower and Papaya, and you've got a product for real men who want to be really metrosexual and murderously slipperysmooth.

And no, you mustn't use it on your sack and crack: it explicitly says so. So there.

Ah, but is it any good? As good as a fresh razor (just like Veet for Women, or Veet for Dwarfs), really, except for two things: no blood on the carpet, and it reaches where you don't.

Which makes it perfect for that gorilla back. Happy am I. And hydrodynamic. Because (being a Man) this is obviously about performance and massageability and road rash and wetsuit transitions and technical, athletic stuff like that, and not because I feel like an atavistic troll when my motion in the pool ripples the kelp-like fronds of my simian dorsal pelt.

Or maybe I'm just trying not to scare away the tri totty...

Comments

[skean.livejournal.com]

Decency forbids me from continuing this discussion in an open forum, but this still leaves me with unanswered questions (mostly relating to skin tight lycra and poke through body hair).

BTW, my bricks still suck. I had no conception of how hard it is to get off a bike after 20km and run 5km. Let alone after an open water swim. And there is an annoying "equal and opposite reaction" principle: The faster I bike, the slower I run. I begin to understand your "beasted" comment.

Good luck this weekend. With the Tri I mean, not just with the totty :-)

[andygates.livejournal.com]

Decency be damned. Trim (clippers are your friend) or cope with the tufts - there will be plenty of hirsute people there. Poke-through is something that the slickers will chuckle over but that's all.

20/5 isn't a brick, it's an event! A nice 10 mile/3 mile one tonight on the way home. The cat will probably be asleep in my run shoes, a problem that I don't think is adequately discussed in tri circles. Do I talc my pussy?

Oh, independent confirmation says that the zurichsee gets nice and warm. Gotta beat the calf-cramping glacial meltwater in Teignmouth (it must be a Muse thing) last night!

[skean.livejournal.com]

Yeah, certainly warm enough to swim without a wettie Just hovering around the regulations though, so am wondering about one for buoyancy and swimming faster versus quicker transition.

My advice would be not too use too much talc, otherwise it will be too dry.

[andygates.livejournal.com]

Faster: something like 2 min/km. For a sprint, maybe 1 min. So can you get out of your wettie in 1 min? I can get out of mine in 15 seconds on a good day, 90 on a bad one... mind you, I wear it for buoyancy - I still need to stop for a rest in the middle of the swim!

Veet the cat! Then I could cover it in bodyglide...

[justoneway.livejournal.com]

What ever makes you think that you sleek form with all it's smooth lumps and bumps is any less terrifying than the more normal one whose edges are camoflaged and disguised by copious bushy growths of Gatesfur?

[andygates.livejournal.com]

Easy: say "back hair" to a sample of women and measure their shudder. :)

[arabis.livejournal.com]

I think I just inhaled my cup of tea.