The Thing Under The Floor

[andygates]

I've discovered a whole world of black mould.  It's under my bathroom floorboards, in the interstices between my tanked cement floor, the polystyrene insulation, and the rotten boards proper.  I was expecting to find a sump of poo juice, so in a way this is a blessing; I may only have to re-floor the wet side of the room.  But I'm gonna have to do something about this colony of mould.  Bleach and dehydration, death from above.  Is that genocide?  Are all those little filamentous fellows going to yell "holy frack! it's ---aarhg!"?  Are millions of voices going to cry out in terror and be suddenly silenced?  Why am I even thinking junk like this - have they got their mycelial filaments into my brain? 

This is going to get very Lovecraft.  Only one answer: the Providence solution.

Comments

[ravenbait.livejournal.com]

Blast off, nuke the site from orbit...

[andygates.livejournal.com]

I don't know if I'll be able to press the button -- they're in my mind! It's like the Color Out Of Space, only the colour is black, and shiny. Mmm, slippery goodness.

Must go, my fungal friends are calling...

[n-decisive.livejournal.com]

Genocide or not? Hmm. Do you think the spores in your floors are unique- like the culture that creates a different sourdough bread and is found only in San Francisco- or are they the garden variety?

The household war crimes tribunal will not convict you of genocide if they aren't a unique species; you'll merely be charged with conduct unbecoming to an officer.

Nuke the beasts!

If I remember correctly, sprinkling powdered lime on the earth beneath the flooring helps prevent regrowth, providing we're talking about a ground floor loo.

Good luck, soldier. ;)

[despaer.livejournal.com]

Its mould, you just kill it.

that way, it doesn't eat you in your sleep....

[alacerus.livejournal.com]

You could thank them for more pleasant surprise of the mycelial accompaniment, then laugh in a evil, maniacal style as you whip out the flame thrower and fry them all to horticultural hell. Mind the wall paper and bordering as no point creating extra work. If the guilt is too much why not save a rare batch of them to grow in a more controlled environment!

[andygates.livejournal.com]

A mould tank? Tempting. I'm thinking about a backlit any farm right now...

[andygates.livejournal.com]

Er, ANT farm. Obviously.

[arabis.livejournal.com]

I'm with ravenbait on this one. It's the only way to be sure.

[andygates.livejournal.com]

So it is written. So shall it be done.