Ho Ho Ho

[andygates]

Call me a surly bastard if you like, but dear Gods, I can't hack the Chrimbo shopping this year.  The heaving biomass is heaving more than usual, there's some mad woman dressed as a giant robin being perky, and to cap it all, none of the shops have anything except tat.  And not even funny tat, just bling tat and abject nonsense (extreme sports branded moisturiser? FFS!).  And then I go into a sort of consumer stammer, and can't remember anything to get until I'm in a totally different shop failing to get something else entirely...  gah!

So if nobody gets anything from me this year, it's because I've given up on shopping and decided to buy a few pints of marine diesel for the Steve Irwin and the others in the Sea Shepherd fleet, instead. 

All cultures and all traditions have a midwinter-ish celebration.  In the ur-Calendar, it is known as the Feast of Thank Feck It's Over.

Comments

[splinister.livejournal.com]

I know what you mean. It's gift vouchers and online shopping for most of my family and friends...

[jarkman.livejournal.com]

Shops ? You can't find crimbo presents in shops!

Round here, you either find them in the Interweb or you haul them kicking and screaming out of the shed. Nothing else works.

[andygates.livejournal.com]

The shed?

How do you gift-wrap spiders?

[ravenbait.livejournal.com]

Don't you know anything?

[andygates.livejournal.com]

Well, sure, but how do you gift-wrap them so they're not obviously spiders? It's like when I got a Raleigh Tomahawk when I was ickle. It was obviously the kiddy Chopper under all that paper (which was, actually, a whole case of extra-caffeine awesome).

[ravenbait.livejournal.com]

There's a reason why pet spiders tend to live in matchboxes.

[andygates.livejournal.com]

Because... they die when their legs are individually wrapped in festive paper? Oh noes!

[ravenbait.livejournal.com]

No, silly Munky.

They only die if you spray them with festive silver paint and turn them into Christmas tree decorations.

[andygates.livejournal.com]

So the ones all wrapped up are... zombie festive spiders?

It's kinda hard to look for a heartbeat on something with spiracles. Get too close and it might palp ya!

[ravenbait.livejournal.com]

No, they're not zombies. They'd have had to be dead to become zombies.

They're...

Layered against the cold.

[andygates.livejournal.com]

And a bit grumpy.

[ravenbait.livejournal.com]

I'd be happy with a donation to the Sea Shepherd fleet!

Luckily I'm a curmudgeonly cow who doesn't much care about Christmas. My family and friends know that I probably will get them something (if I really like them) but it might not actually be for Christmas because, well, life's too short for dealing with that madness.