Movie good, movie bad

[andygates]

Movie Good:  Cloverfield.  I love handheld verité stuff and I love monster movies, so the Gozdilla/Blair Witch mashup worked perfectly for me.  Shallow and dumb but beautfully done - very much a post-9/11 B-movie.  But if hand-held stuff makes you barf and no exposition makes you cross, give it a miss.  Clover's wuvly! 

Movie Bad: They're remaking Death Race 2000, although to give them their credit, this Jason Statham pay-the-bills abomination is at least dropping the '2000'.  This isn't just going to suck.  The original sucked.  This is going to discover superstring-theory numbers of additional dimensions of suck.  The original, that sucked in space and time.  This is going to suck in space, time, flooble, gronk, backspin and lemon.  They're going to have to do experiments at the Large Hadron Collider to determine just how much this movie can theoretically suck.  Higgs Suck.  This much suck could create a sinkhole of unquality that devours the world. 

Comments

[ravenbait.livejournal.com]

This is going to suck in space, time, flooble, gronk, backspin and lemon.

Oh. Stop. Please. Stop. I can't breathe. It hurts. It hurts.

[andygates.livejournal.com]

The movie will hurt more. Look! He looks embarassed and it's the first publicity still!

[ravenbait.livejournal.com]

As Frood has just pointed out, while it may theoretically suck to levels incomprehensible even using the Copenhagen Interpretation, there's also a good chance it will be better than the original.

Frood also says that he's not embarassed: he's just remembered the hand-grenade joke.

Doesn't it look like they've photoshopped his head into the picture, though?

[andygates.livejournal.com]

Maybe he was too embarassed to even be there. The nod to a flux capacitor in the back makes me wonder if that's a deLorean?

Frood is right. But Death Race 2000 is like Toxic Avenger - it's cool and funny-sucky in golden, halcyon, rose-tinted recollection, but in reality, it's just suck.

Okay, suck with a Carradine.

[justoneway.livejournal.com]

That looks nothing less than awesome. It has cars that have lots of things bolted to them and miniguns. It has trucks with ducks-feet grenade launchers and christmas tree shape spikes on the wheels. And it has Ian MacShane. Hopefully in full on sweary Al Sweringen mode rather than Lovejoy niceness.
Polishing the hardwood of a tall-boy will not have quie the punch necessary for such a movie. Where telling someone to suck shit out of a pigs cunt might.

Scuse my language.

Bit late now really though I guess.

[andygates.livejournal.com]

You foul foul creature :)