There's that smell again...

[andygates]

As a bachelor in a semi-derelict flat, I'm used to the idea that my pad might whiff a bit.  It's a guy thing.  And a damp thing, a bike thing, and a surf thing.  But just lately, the smell has become a Smell, and last night it actually stopped me getting to sleep.  The reek was emanating from below my bed.  What ghastliness was down there?  I was worried the damp might be rotting my tatami, or that the sewer pipe from the bathroom had cracked.

Turns out that the dear cat has been bringing me presents.  In fact, I have a feeling that every time she wakes me up with enthusiasm, it's because she's brought me breakfast in bed.  Five mice and a sparrow!  Most of them are quite flat and crispy, but by the gods they hum!



This is how they caught Jeffery Dahmer, you know.  The smell eventually got so bad that someone investigated and found the chunks and corpses and general stinky once-living nastiness.  Cat people, any suggestions on how to stop my darling from littering my world with cadavers?  Before she starts on the kids at the school up the road?

Comments

[ankaret.livejournal.com]

I suppose you could put Bacofoil under the bed, but that might put off anyone you bring home more than the mice would.

[fialta.livejournal.com]

Oh, my! That does look a bit scary...
I'd check under the bed every other day to make sure the cat does not bring more stuff in. Or if you see it bringing its prey inside the house, just kick the cat back out in the garden...
This is what Ant does to our cat.

catch the cat

[maythen-apple.livejournal.com]

My cat used to bring me "breakfast" in bed too. Only she wanted me to get out of bed and finish them off. I caught her with her prize early one morning. Accepted it graciously, put the twitching corpse in a glass bowl with lis, explained to the cat that I appreciated it, gave her a treat, and then put the mouse in my oven until she walked off. I disposed of the corpse when the cat wasn't looking.

I don't know exactly *why* it worked, but just having acknowledged her "contribution" seemed to do the trick. SHe still brought me how a few "choice bits" but not as frequently and not in my bed.

[thudthwacker.livejournal.com]

'Tis a pity the wife is allergic, or I'd ask about borrowing that cat for a couple of weeks. We've already caught the mice dumb enough to fall for our catch'n'release traps, and really don't want to start leaving poison around the house where our industrious five-year-old might happen across it. We're also not so big on her finding dead mice in her toy chest, should they decided to crawl there before shuffling off their teeny-tiny mortal coils. (Also, we're also not big on cruelty, and I don't think any of the popular pest poisons go out of their way to kill painlessly. Similar reasoning on spring traps -- from what we've read, they tend to break backs and rupture organs, and leave the mouse to die slowly over the next hour or two. Yes, I eat meat. Yes, I often treat my hypocrisy like a hedge, clipping bits and pieces off so as to leave a pleasing shape. Sue me.)

Now, circle-of-life -- that's not so bad. And I'm pretty sure a cat kills quicker and cleaner than the other lethal options that don't involve a jury-rigged shotgun.

[xeeny.livejournal.com]

Our one catches them live, then slowly mauls them until they stop working or until I throw him out (usually the latter).

[ravenbait.livejournal.com]

Ah.

Dungeonmaster Gold.

Wish I had a copy of that.

[splinister.livejournal.com]

I'd encourage her after the kids...

[thudthwacker.livejournal.com]

Ah. Well, it was going to be a bitch trying to ship a cat across the Atlantic, anyway.

[andygates.livejournal.com]

The only prey I ever see is the half-alive stuff :P

Re: catch the cat

[andygates.livejournal.com]

What, a box with holes doesn't work?

[andygates.livejournal.com]

I'd get in trouble!

Still, I can see now exactly what Dahmer's neighbours meant about how the smell was a bit nasty for a while and then just got intolerable. "Wouldn't you notice?" Well, no, not really, not until the reek keeps you awake at night!

[flitljm.livejournal.com]

Our workplace currently smells of dead things too. Presumably one or more rats have died here over the break.

's tinfoil is a good idea. Cats don't like walking on tinfoil; I suppose it's scritchy on the claws.

[andygates.livejournal.com]

Ah well, I took the opportunity to pack the space under the bed with a Ton 'o' Junk [TM] so there's no room for cat, mouse, sparrow or anything else. And now I've got space, too. Ee, it's like planning, only without the plans!

[inkyann.livejournal.com]

Tim and I once found a crispy mouse when we took down the Christmas Tree on 12th night; Max had been patting it up into the air until one time it didn't come down...

[andygates.livejournal.com]

Mmm, Addams Family baubles!

[stripey-mouse.livejournal.com]

Only just saw this - god it's made me laugh!!! I had exactly the same thing years ago with my old cat!!!

And, what could I don about it - nothing!!!

They are presents - so be grateful god damn it!!!!

[andygates.livejournal.com]

I know they're presents, but dear gods, the STENCH!

Cats are supposed to be picky!

[(Anonymous)]

...that's how I found the two dead blue tits under my bed when i was 12!!! The smell!!!!!! Nice!!!!

I was also blamed for the appearence of a dead mouse that was tucked under my sisters duvet at around the same time.....i didnt put it there, the cat did!!!

[andygates.livejournal.com]

You're posting anonymously. I think you *are* the cat. Confess, kitty, or it's bathtime!

Hmm.

[n-decisive.livejournal.com]

My dear kitties are kind enough to leave their "gifts" at the door. Otherwise, they eat the spiders, and there is much rejoicing!

(Please forgive my intrusions; I blame good wine and an addiction to clever repartee'.

Re: Hmm.

[andygates.livejournal.com]

How in the name of all that's holy did you persuade your cats to leave their carcasses at the door?

Tell me! I need to know!

Re: Hmm.

[n-decisive.livejournal.com]

By becoming their appreciative slave, of course. ;)

No, here's what you do:

When you find anything a cat's hunted, inside, or out, find your cat and start telling her that she's a very good kitty, and coo at her a lot. Walk towards your door as you do this. Go out the door, place the "gift" off to the side of it, and get your cat a treat. I give mine soft food and scritches. It takes a few exchanges like this, but the cat starts to realize they get gifts by the door, and they'll start delivering them there to reap the rewards.

The only problem I have ever had with this is them not quite making it to the door before dropping dead things. Still, having a decapitated birdie on my steps or front path is much better than having it in the house.

Oh, and you only need to leave the present on the porch, stoop, whatever until your kitty is done with the food you give her. Then, you can remove it to a disposal site.

Re: Hmm.

[andygates.livejournal.com]

Ah, I see! You have to spot the gift when they're fresh, and not when they're a reeking mass of magotty fur under the bed.

Maybe I should just be easier to wake?

Re: Hmm.

[n-decisive.livejournal.com]

Wake when you're ready. SOMEONE in this world deserves that luxury.

I've taken the stale ones and done it, too. The key is them seeing you with the prize, being praised, and redirected. You don't even have to feed them treats all the time once they get it.

I think your kitty's been hoarding because you didn't notice what she did for you. ;)

Re: Hmm.

[andygates.livejournal.com]

I'm such a bad kitty-daddy. :(

Bad kitty daddy?

[n-decisive.livejournal.com]

No way.

If you were a bad kitty daddy, would you be asking for suggestions on handling this? I think not.

("Kitty daddy" is making me think of a Foamy episode wherein said squirrel discusses "babyfahdders." My mind annoys me at times.)