andygates

Pop! My passenger side headlamp bulb goes. No problem, think I, pop to the shop, get a bulb, and swap it out.

"Bodywork is outside the scope of this manual." How hard can it be?

Hm, this isn't like [anyothercarintheworldever]. Where's the back of the lamp-head? Is it under -ouch- here? No? Ah, maybe it's behind this hose? Ah, no.

Maybe it comes out the front? Let's take some grille off. And another bit - ooh, green stuff growing in the gaps - and, ooh, crikey, there goes the indicator. And another bit. Hmm. This isn't working. Wipe the moss off those bits before reassembly.

Back inside. Ooh, under the hose is a black box that has wires! Result! Result? Um, how does this come off, then? A bolt here, and one there, and one under - ow, fecking knuckle! - and this clip and that one... hang on, this is the pigging air scrubber. And it's still not moving. And it's shedding ancient fluff.

Google, dear Google, can you help? Ah... no. Too old, everyone else who has one already knows this trick or gets the garage to do it (but hey, now I know a garage in Perth that specialises in Bongos - camperised E220s to you - in case I need one). Bum.

Kick the box. Maybe it just needs loosening. Nada. Maybe drive around with all the bolts undone for a while, that sometimes worked on the ambulance... the ambulance that ended up so corroded and rotten we had to hotwire it to make it go and break the wire to stop the firing-on-three-cylinders engine. I think it's time for an expert opinion.

Phone the garage with a grovel. "No, mate, they come out the front. You gotta take the whole grille off."

Give me strength.