andygates

Just watched Silent Hill. Drivel, but worth it for Pyramid Head's implacable ninety seconds and really, really good kill. Ol' Pointy is the Man.

Visually stunning, spot on to the game, and a lovely first-zombie kill for Laurie Holden (hrr!), loads of game goodies from the opening camera angles (can a camera angle be an homage?) and the babyshadows (squee!) through to the "memorise this map" gag. Plenty there to keep 'em happy spotting their favourite bits: I dare you not to see the school lobby for the first time and think "save point!" when the camera swings up to the "main office" sign.

Was it scary? Hell no. The games are scarier. Given an 18 certificate it might have been grosser, but the story was too daft and too manga for actual fright. Japanese plotting seems to have this: it just has to go all mega-monster and tentacles (and granted, rusty-barbed-wire-ass-rape-and-disembowelling). Mega-monsters are not scary. It had some moments of rolling dread, I'll grant it that, and all the fetish you could want (the heroine spends a third of the movie handcuffed - in the game at least you could wave your arms!). And there were loads of goggles. We like goggles.

In the final analysis, did Ol' Pointy's splatshot of glory trump Sean (I really have to pay the rent) Bean's shocking accent? For me, yeah: that's a Quality Kill in the great zombie movie vein. But I'm a Silent Hill fanboy. I can forgive the overblown Alessa McNonsense and bask in rusty barbed wire. Your mileage may vary.