In ur portals, sexin ur cubes

[andygates]

First of all if you don't have Portal, go get it.  Buy it or Steam it or -ahem- Torrent it so you know what the hell I'm rambling about.

Then you too can be slightly scared of GLaDOS, who is, I swear, Majel Barrett on acid.  And you can share my love for the Weighted Companion Cube.  And I do wuv you, Cube, you stay true even when I'm not sure which way is up any more.  Portal's schtick is this: it's a first-person puzzler with no weapons or monsters.  Yay!  Instead you've got a portal gun.  It shoots two interconnected holes.  In one, out the other, and your relative momentum is preserved.  Cue using gravity to accelerate (because you sure aren't Lara in the athletics stakes) and many other sneaky tricks. 

It's such a simple idea with such a far-reaching impact that it tweaks how you start to look at space.  Ever go climbing or open-water swimming?  You know how, afterwards, you look at buildings or stretches of water as different terrain instead of barriers?  Like that. 

Cube love is going bonkers out there.  Hardly surprising when the only other contact you have in the sterile lab environment is that damn computer and her promises of cake.  Valve have been startled into making Cube plushies for Christmas. 

That can only mean one thing: Cube slash.  Rule 34, ladies and gentlemen, no exceptions.

Almost 5am and I'm stuck with some sliding platforms (my nemesis in all games!).  Wait for me, Cube.  I'll be back, but I need sleep first. 

Comments

[ravenbait.livejournal.com]

Mmmm. Half Life Universe.

I remember those lesbian chicks.

Released for PS3 23 November. Guess what I'm getting me for my birthday (as well as another version of Marvel UA).

[andygates.livejournal.com]

Dam right. And the heroine looks like Emilia (but you have to line the portals up so you can use them as mirrors to find out).

Headcrab headcrab ra ra ra!

[alacerus.livejournal.com]

That looks disturbingly like skean drilling in that picture.

[andygates.livejournal.com]

I was thinking Sciolist :)

[sciolist.livejournal.com]

Hey!

And yeah, I wants Portal. Bloody pay for it (via Steam) though. Try and reward the ingenuity and coolness that goes into it. It's only 10 quid, for heaven's sake.

(Or buy the Orange Box... Mmm... Orange)

[andygates.livejournal.com]

Think of it as a trial download: I wasn't sure if my lappy could run it. Now that I know it can (albeit using the "myPCsux" batchfile) I may well buy the whole box.

Home taping <> killing music.

[justoneway.livejournal.com]

The orange box must be the biggest bargain in gaming history. It contains five of the finest FPS games that have ever been made for the price of a normal release. Even for those like me who already had HL2 and HL2:Ep1 it is still a must buy.

And the sweetest slice of the whole cake is Portal. Without doubt the finest gaming experience I have had in an age. It will be lauded as a classic I have no doubt. It reminds me just how unbelievably awesome the original HL was when it came out. (Until you got to Xen anyway.)

Here is a game which can make you care deeply for an virtual inanimate object. It has a baddie who you really do love to hate because, despite her nutjob passive aggressiveness, she is the funniest thing I can remember encountering in a game. All the way to the end, an absolute pitch pefect gag in everything she says. It has a learning curve that is perfectly tuned so that you do not even notice what a multi-dimensionally spacially aware genius it has turned you into, you just use your new skills to make a break for freedom. The plot ends before it outstays its welcome with scenes that made me elated and a final reward that makes me smile from ear to ear just thinking about it now.

Anyone that did not love it would be someone I could not love. (Except maybe Jan, who I imagine would be trying suppress motion sickness induced vomitting and laughter to such an extent that lumps would emerge from his nostrils and anyone in that state would be a little hard to love.