Social Networking: Having no secrets sucks

[andygates]

This is mostly a criticism of Facebook, but the other "real you" social networking sites are under fire too.  Orkut started getting this wrong, and it's spread.

I think it's important to have boundaries in life.  My work, training, social life and weirdshit, for example, are pretty distinct things. I might want to be in a bunch of technical groups, training lists, boozehound surf bum groups and creepy gothed-out crazy people lists.  And it is legitimate to want to keep those separate: my boss doesn't need to see my party photos any more I need to flash the avatars of gym freaks (c'mon guys, SWF please?) around.  I might be in a church and a sports club, and not want the sports club to tag me as the god-botherer. 

I might even be doing stuff that some of my friends think is stupid, or irresponsible, or dangerous, or illegal.  And of course, I might have groups of friends who hate each other, or who would think a lot less of me if they saw me hanging around with people "like that" - I don't want my dudes to think I'm a suckup if I've friended the boss; I'm not going to explain my futanari group to the vicar.

I can count the number of people who'd get into all of those groups on one stump.  So a "real me" social site has to be shallow and thin.  It's got to be just safe contacts - the ones from the really real world - and it's got to have nothing terribly challenging.  I'd argue that's why the groups I'm seeing on Facebook are either facile or dull - dull because they're already the people you know, so there's no real interest there, or facile in that they're Zombie Of The Week or Fans Of Smeaton; stuff that's got no more weight than a Dilbert strip. 

What I love about the web is not seeing my mates' photos and going "Heyy, thats you! Don't you look a right tosser?"  It's the other contacts - the people who extend what I think, not merely confirm it.  And it's the ability to explore something leftfield with pretty good anonymity.  The reality offered by places like Facebook actually kills the unreality which is at the very heart of a rich internet experience.

For me, it's as bad as being beaten up by Thrognath the Barbarian, while hearing his tween voice arguing with his mum about tidying his room.  Too much reality where it's not needed really can suck.

Comments

[andygates.livejournal.com]

True, anonymity pretty much created the troll and the troll is a tiresome creature. Small price to pay, in my book, when we can killfile the things, and most trolls aren't as skilled as your example; a savvy user can tell the difference very quickly and, frankly, troll-spotting is a valuable modern social skill.

Of course without any verifiability, she can't prove that she's not a troll, either. Some people are just dull assholes. ^_^

I'd definitely contend that the richness which flourishes with anonymity and compartments - including fictional alts - more than makes up for having to deal with trolls. Even ordinary social interaction requires ad-hoc boundaries. Actually, that ad-hocness is also important to be kept quiet from time to time; membership announcements can suck too.

Real alts are really valuable - the immediate example is a number of people I know who are depressed and self-harm. The self-harm group provides support (the debate of whether it provides actual help or just validates emo slicing is open, granted), but you don't want your friends and family knowing you're a cutter.

Unreal alts, of course, can be anything from convenient to kinky. Female authors have been using masculine pseudonyms since forever to get credibility in male-dominated fields, after all (are you there, JK?). I did an experimental membership of a nasty social group in order to see what made them tick, including asking some picky questions, while alting (just call me a research troll). And that's before we get to the more exotic leisure alts and plain old cathartic play alts. I suppose that means that Facebook is bound to stay quite real - but it's got to compete with reality for that, and reality is realler. Meanwhile the other sites will trundle along, because plenty of different places isn't business competition (Myspace vs Facebook is meaningless, say I) any more than the living room, kitchen, mall, gym and fetish bar are.

That article, by the way, is hideously insightful and raised up grim (if amusing) memories of student life.

[ankaret.livejournal.com]

It's not just getting credibility in male-dominated fields; I know several women who consciously choose neuter or masculine-sounding pseuds and don't have any photos online because they're sick and tired of the no-social-skills bozos who think any online interaction is a pickup opportunity.

I'm not sure if said bozos would stop hassling anything that sounds like it might have tits if they were made aware of dating sites, chatrooms and the like where their solicitations might be welcome, but it has to be worth a try, which is another vote for bubble empires rather than Facebook uber alles. Not that I think for a moment it's going to come to Facebook uber alles, you understand.

Which reminds me, have you seen this and this? Quite apart from the man's unnerving resemblance to a less attractive Louis Theroux, that's a mighty big hole he's digging for himself. (Oh, and apparently there are HP7 spoilers in the comments)

[andygates.livejournal.com]

I've done the reverse. There are areas which are heavily cliquey unless you're time-served and alpha, or female - the "ooh, bewbs" thing acts as a social pass. It's quite odd to have a query under your real identity blanked but one by fauxhottie69 answered immediately, when both are the same query about something really dull like DNS configuration or creatine metabolism.

It's a thankless task, being a system admin on something big. Especially when everyone feels that they have ownership of their part. I don't envy him his job!