Dear chav fuckhead

[andygates]

You do not, ever, shunt people with your pimped-out Astra. If you do, you may discover that the spotty nerdy cyclist is some hulking great very very angry horror with a stupid moustache.

I'm very impressed that I didn't go beyond throwing his keys in the traffic: for some reason I really, really wanted to go at all three of them. Ho hum, at least they did me the favour of driving with their windows down. Spring may bring the fuckheads out, ,but it makes them easy targets.

Comments

[andygates.livejournal.com]

Chav is stopped in ASL. I do the standard of taking position and backing right up to them. He shunteth. I get off, dispatch Glare No. 1, and lay the bike against the front of the car going round to Have Words and declare that Thou Shalt Not Ever Shunt, Thou Fuckwit.

Words are exchanged. He declares that he'll drive over my bike when the lights go green. I take his keys (which are on the door-side of the steering column) and state that he shall not. His mates emerge from the chav procession and swarm around like so many grumpy munchkins (why are all chavs so short?).

More words are exchanged. Seeing that naught will come of this (unless I can escalate it to a wholesale slaughter, which is neither justified nor practical though it's tempting) I chuck the keys in the road and ride off.

And looky, the red mist ain't *quite* overwhelming. Probably because I know in my secret dark blood-wet heart that the Deathtree is licking its rooty chops and sizing them up for a snack.

[ravenbait.livejournal.com]

Which ASL was this? Should have just swung at them, taking them all down with one meaty blow.

[andygates.livejournal.com]

Bottom of South Street where it feeds into the circular around the Judge Jefferies. And I was sooooo tempted. Bought a cake instead.

[andygates.livejournal.com]

Just here: http://maps.google.com/?ll=50.719911,-3.529326&spn=0.003335,0.00603

[ankaret.livejournal.com]

(why are all chavs so short?).

Probably something to do with being born to eleven-year-old mothers. Are you OK?

[andygates.livejournal.com]

Totally, thanks, just fightin' wired.

Is being born to young mothers really shortness-inducing? Obviously being born to smoker crackwhore mothers is...

[ankaret.livejournal.com]

WHO says 'lower birth weights, possibly because they're still growing and therefore competing with their fetus for nutrients' though come to think of it I'm not sure whether there's a correlation between that and adult height outside the realms of pseudoscience.

[andygates.livejournal.com]

It must just be the smoking and the crack then. And needing to fit into Vauxhall Novas - though that's a bit Lamarckian.